"Anniversary Bliss"

Dear, my sweet, love of my life
Charming, gracious, precious wife
We’ve come so far and seen such joy
We’ve raised some girls and raised a boy
Now we toast to years gone by
That seemed to take up wings and fly
At last we now can get some rest
Let’s toast our lovely empty nest

"Bahama Mamas"

Steal away to tropic breezes,
To sample wine and rum and cheeses.
Leave the office, leave the bills.
(Bahaman Beaches cure your ills!)
Gladly take the salt and sand,
And play another poker hand!
"Get the girlie", play some gin,
And shop some places you've not been.
Bead your hair and try new dishes.
Live out all your wildest wishes!
Raise the stakes and raise the glasses!
Bask in sun and burn your ----- !!

"Bestest Friends"

My bestest buddy, friend, old chum,
Our friendship has persistence.
We’ve weathered pain and stormy rain
We’ve surely gone the distance.
We’ve gained a ton from what we ate,
We’ve dieted and fasted.
We’ve hissed and spat just like the cat,
But still our friendship lasted.
You’ve been the bestest pal I’ve had,
You’re loyal, kind and clever.
We’ve conquered cries of long good byes,
This friendship is forever!

"Cat Nap"

Good to see you, nice surprise
But first I have to rest my eyes.
I didn’t sleep too well last night
Just a snooze and I’ll be ‘right’.
Must be this comfy chair, you see
Or the midday news that’s on TV
It could have been the rich Bordeaux
Or one small glass of smooth Merlot
It could have been the lentil soup
That made my eyelids start to droop
It may have been Great Grammie’s pies
That made me want to close my eyes
But soon I will be most alert
And we will have some fine dessert
We’ll pass the time and tell some tales
Or play some cards, If all else fails
But just for now… a little nap
With kitty dozing on my lap
We’ll talk about what ‘ere you choose
But first a teensy little snooze

"Charlie's Best Joke"

He heard it at the grange last night and couldn't wait to try it.
He just guessed that I was game and fool enough to buy it.
I've heard all of his jokes before. He repeats himself, you know.
I just grin and try my best to sit and watch the show.
We've been friends for many years and weathered bumps and bruises.
He's fought for me in many scrapes and wins more than he loses.

The Farmer’s Daughter comes to mind with two guys in a bar.
One-eyed jacks and sailor jokes and genies from a jar.
Heard the “Little Johnny” tales and a frog who loved a toad.
Found out what the reason was for that chicken to cross the road.
One joke stops, another starts, how we think of ‘em’s a wonder.
Sometimes when we’ve heard it, we steal each other’s thunder.

There’s nothing like a good old pal to gain some inspiration.
Laugh so hard your sides will ache, which makes a transformation.
If not for friends and jokes to swap, we’d all go stale and musty.
We need the one on one, my friend, to keep from gettin’ rusty.
The body language tells it all with all those bloody details.
The alternative is to sit alone and read those endless emails.

"The Chat"

Lands sakes! I AM a mess!
I really SHOULD put on a dress!
It’s laundry day, as you can see
Just step around all this debris
I simply HAVE to paint this room
You’d think I don’t POSSESS a broom
Please excuse these walls and floor
This place looks like we lost the war!
Plants last week were so much greener…
You’d think I BROKE my vacuum cleaner!
Don’[t mind those dishes in the sink
Just seems there is no time to think!
The kids won’t put a THING away
(I thought I fixed that yesterday….)
Move those books and have a chair
Please don’t mind the kitty hair!
I haven’t baked a THING in weeks!
…(Just look at all those window streaks!)
The bug man’s due now any day
(My sheets are looking awfully gray…)
I think that paper’s from last week
I’ve GOT to stop that faucet leak!
Want some coffee? Want some tea?
I’ll send for pizza, C.O.D.!
Have a sandwich? Need some lunch?
How ‘bout a nice low fructose punch?
Want your feet up? Need a stool?
Is it too warm here or too cool?
How’s your uncle? How’s your aunt?
How’s your brother’s hair transplant?
Love your outfit. LOVE your shoes.
‘Baby here yet? Any news?
The years have sure been good to you…
So how was that new rendezvous?
I wish MY figure looked so good
Cross my fingers! Knock on wood!
I’m goldfish-sitting for a friend…
Know a VET you’d recommend?
I really COVET your new car.
Liking your new job so far?
I’m okay, Dear, I’m just fine
Can’t go out though… must decline!
Retaining water feel so fat
Never get much time to chat!
Teacher’s conference at the school
‘Missed it last time like a fool.
Job makes me commute too far
The pay won’t buy us caviar!
Get up with the crack of dawn
Just to put my makeup on!
Have to get the lunches made
Make sure all the bills are paid
Ironing is a thing I dread.
Must make sure the cats are fed!
What’s that you say? You have to go?
You just had time to say “Hello”?
It’s been AGES! Much to say!
‘Just THOUGHT about you yesterday!
Cat’s are climbing up the screens.
(I really need some fatter jeans…)
Really need to clip their claws.
…Gained this weight from menopause
‘Family’s at the picture show…
They’d love to see you Please don’t go…
DO come back when you can stay.
Bring the kiddies They can play.
Say “Hello” to my old pal
Hug your mother! (Sweet old gal)
Watch that doorstep! Watch that hose!
See you later, I suppose.
Some dog has left his calling card
We really NEED to mow the yard…
Please drive careful! WATCH THAT CHILD!
Sunday drivers CAN get wild!

…..The coast is clear, I DO believe…
I thought that she would NEVER leave!

"Garden Party"

Pansies smile and lilies wave
And skeeters beg your pardon
Nature seems to come alive
When sippin’ in the garden
Snappin’ dragons, butterflies
Jasmine, vines and roses
Grammie’s hangin’ with her friends
And blushin’ up their noses.

"Goodnight Kiss"

Your sweet and silky elegance
Has captured my delight
It’s time, my Love, to go upstairs
And settle for the night

And you, my dear, now say “Goodnight”
Our love life needs revivin’
Come let’s move the mystery train
And you can do the drivin’!

"Harry's Lodge Meeting"

Come on down and 'tip' one up.
It's meetin' night at Harry's.
There's wine and brew and good cigars,
The agenda never varies.
We talk about the news events,
And the one that 'got away',
We laugh and smoke and tell a joke
That's just a tad risque.
We hang out with the good old boys
While Betty, Jean and Grace
Are tippling tea and knitting socks
On' down at Miriam's place.

"It's Tuesday - Let's Dance"

Mama’s done the dishes
and dried them all with ease.
Washin’s on the line
and it’s flappin’ in the breeze.
Made a chicken casserole
that’s coolin’ on the range.
Need to cool myself a bit
(I’m goin’ through the ‘change’).
Made the merger meeting
and baked a chocolate cake.
Had a glass of wine
with Giselda at the lake.
Had the tires rotated
and did my jury duty.
Now it’s time to have some wine
and really shake my booty.

"Miriam's Tea Party"

Off to Miriam's to attend her "Tea",
with my old cronies, 'Cat' and me.
Scoured closets for clothes to wear,
powdered my face, patted my hair.
Grabbed my keys and out the door,
to meet the 'girls' at half past four.
Bought a teensy gift of wine,
for Miriam's nightcap at half past nine.
Teas and cakes adorn the table,
Edith's there and so is Mabel.
Formosa Oolong, Mocha Dream,
English Breakfast, Pumpkin Cream.
"Why not pop the cabernet?
(Unless you'd rather have Earl Grey?)"
A couple rounds and then it's 'spent',
which set the tone of this event.
"Bring another, dear", we said,
and one appeared from 'neath the bed.
Fits of giggles, fits of grins,
old photos spring from muffin tins.
Talk about the days gone by,
and when we girls could turn the eye.
Another bottle from way in back,
behind the spice and canning rack,
"My dear, I've never stayed this late!
It's time to drunken decorate!"
Out of closets out of drawers,
knees are cracking on all fours.
Out come swatches, chips of paint,
to turn this room to what it ain't.
Carrot Cream is just the hue,
for kitchen walls and carpet too.
Icing squishes through the fingers.
Naughty feeling as it lingers.
After just a few more swigs,
we've topped our tipsy, flipped our wigs.
We've succumbed to wine and cigarettes,
danced and practiced pirouettes.
Smeared each other with the cake,
that Mabel took so long to bake.
But now we must adhere to rules,
wash our faces, keep our cools.
"Must have been the Oolong Tea.
I don't remember much Chablis."
It really isn't fit and proper,
to upend one's mate into the hopper!
Next week we'll eliminate the cakes,
so we won't make the same mistakes!

"My Jewels"

Come to my room just down the hall,
and see my precious jewels.
Just sit quietly. Do not touch.
I'm sure you know the rules!
I've collected only finer things,
from places that I've been,
And when I die I'll leave it all,
to all those "next of kin".
I'm only living here for now.
My summer home is rented.
I'll drive there in my auto soon.
(It's just a little dented).
My daughter married well indeed;
a Texas oil tycoon!
I'll be moving in some day,
and she'll be coming soon.
That porcelain rose in that charming vase
is really very brittle.
My china plates, from Monkey Wards,
are only chipped a little.
My silver plated coffeepot
is only slightly rusty.
I should have fixed the handle,
and it's just a little dusty.
My pearls are from the Orient,
'Chinatown', I think.
Touch the silky elegance
of my genuine faux fur mink!
My cat is an aristocrat
with known distinctive breeding.
She tells me this each afternoon
if I should miss her feeding!
My rhinestones and my sparkles
are diamonds in the rough.
I'd purchase more at the 5 & dime,
but I really have enough.
It's strange to be a higher class
than those folks down the hall.
Some day I'll give a big soiree,
and I'll invite them all.

"The Nanny"

My precious charge of squirmy fur
Racing motors with crackled purr
Nanny’s here, Nanny’s here

Tiny mewings dear and sweet
Velcro kittens with needle feet
Nanny’s here, Nanny’s here

Mama’s out a-mousing today
Had to stretch and get away
But Nanny’s here, Nanny’s here

"The Power of Chocolate"

Couldn't find my slippers
when I got up today.
Teeth fell in the ter'let
and flushed 'em clean away.
Coffee ground volcano sprouted
from my percolator.
Some bone-totin' dog
just dug a front yard crater.
Pension check is late again
and bills are overdue.
Got a little headache
and maybe caught the flu.
Kitty's full of matted fur
and won't hold still for combin'.
Brought a dead thing in last night
after all night roamin'.
Forgot to go down to the store
to get a thing of milk.
Started pressing my best blouse
and nearly burned the silk.
My great red wine is nearly gone.
I'm down to my last swig.
Time to get the magic out
and make myself a pig....
Reached into the cabinet's rear
and got a little box.
Usually have to keep it hid.
Needs a case with locks.
Kids show up and sniff it out
and just want to deplete it.
I just save it for these times
I really need to eat it.
When my darkest days are here
it really comes in handy.
So I owe my sanity
to this sweet chocolate candy.

"Slot Machine Queen"

Pull that handle and watch 'em spin
Yes'sir ladies, I play to win!
Bells and whistles, flashing light
Lady Luck's with me tonight!
Keno, craps and black jack deals
Vegas lights and real cheap meals
Rare white tigers, poker hands
Crooners, comics and rockin' bands
Kids in college, proms and braces
Made me wish for all four aces
Nest egg withered, lost my stash
Thought I'd end up 'trailer trash'
Saved my quarters, saved my dimes
Hoping for much better times
Kids are grown, the house is paid
Pretty soon I'll have it made.
All my life I've paid the way
And now it's time for mom to play
So listen to my 'inside straight':
I'm golden now and life is great!

"Southern Rose"

Her dainty hand is finely gloved
She strikes a timid pose
All the gents have dearly loved
This Carolina Rose

Mah Deah, Ya shoulda seen it!
Mah Cotillion an' comin' out!
Ah dazzled 'em with mah fem'nin chah-ms,
The young men swooned about!
"Marrah me", all the gentlemen said
"Marrah me an' be mah wife.
Ya kin' even bring yer mutha, Deah.
Ah'll love ya all mah life!"
But Ah was nary smitten once,
Despite each winsome way.
Ah decided to wait for Mistah Right,
Who'll come along one day.

"Sundance"

My lovely lady, sweet nymphet, your smile lights up my day.
Your lilting laugh and twinkling eyes will lead my mind astray.
Our Golden Years so spirited, our joy so full and fun
We pirouette and rise to meet the morning’s rising sun
Water sprite in playful splash, your charm and lure convey
Your beauty, soft and seasoned as a summer-swathed Monet
The warmth you give, your gentle touch that melts my grateful heart
I’ve always known that you and I should never be apart
You pivot, plié, arabesque, a sun dance in ballet
A love of life, a love for me that I can n’er betray
Come sit, my Love and watch the dawn descend into the West
It’s time for liniment’s soothing rub so little feet can rest.

Ode to Suzi - or
"Suzi's Sleepover"

Reunions give us pause for thought when memories come to light.
When pillow talk and thoughts of boys would echo through the night.
We giggled, laughed and squealed back then and dined on cokes and chips.
We wondered if the world would end when first kissed on the lips.
Our Romeo would come along and sweep us off our feet.
He'd offer roses and fine champagne with gourmet things to eat.
We'd live the lives of romance books and circumvent the world.
Our makeup always done just right, and coiffures neatly curled.
But we grow up (and occasionally 'out') and finally learn the truth.
There's no champagne or cabernet, (there's even no vermouth!)
We soon learn what it is to be "Domestic Engineer",
With snot-nosed kids and camping trips, big dogs and full career.
Oh, Romeo, where for art thou? We cynically lament,
And wonder if the day will come when we move into a tent.
Often gals, we learn that our dear David, Jack or Larry,
Could never be the shining knight that Mother wished we'd marry.
What if WE were those silvery knights who did the boardroom dance?
What if we rose to CEO when given half a chance?
The bacon seems much sweeter for all the corporate greed,
When on the line, your name alone, is written on the deed.
With each new day of soaring fame we look upon our wealth,
Our lovely home and gardens, our position and our health.
We acknowledge to whom we owe it all, our success here in the city
That furry beast that lives with us and let's us call her "Kitty".

"Trudy & Grace Play Dress-up!"

A woman dare not tell her age, dear Mommy said to me.
You must sit straight, enunciate and only SIP your tea.
Head up high with shoulders back as ladies never slouch.
Knees together, hands in lap and no feet on the couch!
Get that hair out of your eyes and keep your stockings straight.
Eat your veggies, don't complain and dare not stay out late!
Don’t chew gum or belch aloud and never ever smoke.
Never giggle at the crass of someone’s dirty joke.
Whiskey is for garish men and beer is coarse and crude.
Speaking out of turn, my dear, is unrefined and rude.
Don’t get dirty, do not swear and never be flirtatious.
Ladies must remain genteel and always calm and gracious.
Daydreams are for lazy girls, their heads up in a cloud,
Busy hands are happy hands, so make your mother proud.

Well, dear Mother, here I am, a product of your teaching.
All those years I tried to please and listened to the preaching.
I’m over fifty, glad to say, and earned each month and year.
I’ve earned each line and wrinkle and I’ll make this crystal clear,
All the prim and proper stuff may have saved my clothes,
But that’s why there are washers, dear and I have one of those.
I’ll try my best to sit up straight to slug down cabernet.
I’ll cross my eyes and take a chance that they might stay that way.
Cats and dogs and candy bars go with jeans and sweats.
I rather like me as I am and have no real regrets.
I’ll dress in thrift store craziness and go out and paint the town.
I’ll even take my good friend, Grace if she is still around.
So Mummy, dear, we sadly fear, your plans have been unheeded.
I may grow old, but never up and friends are all I’ve needed.

"The Truth About Edna"

While sitting in the rotary meeting,
I overheard something in greeting.
I can't help but blurt,
This delicious dirt.
It's news that bears some repeating.

Edna, our companion and friend,
(And I hope that I don't offend),
Was caught by her peers,
With a man half her years.
It's something I can't comprehend!

"Two Old Toms"

Poor old Tom's been out all night,
howlin' in some backyard fight,
Struttin' stuff and flickin' tail?
Yes, my lad is still ALL male.
............Yep,.......Yep,..... Yessireee.....
Old Tom and me, we've had the life.
Lost three dogs, one bird, one wife.
A bowl of milk, a glass of wine,
a catnip toy on a fishing line?
...........Yep,.........Yep,..... Yessireeeeee.......
It's time he became a retiree
before he's 'neath the loquat tree.
His ears are torn, his canines chipped.
(It's time to get his bennies clipped.)